by Joanna Clark
I've been having a hard time sleeping lately...which usually means something is on my mind, or, God wants something on my mind and is trying to get a hold of me :) Last night, I finally got back up at 12:00 am and did a couple e-mails since I was laying there wide awake anyway. About 15 minutes later, I went back to bed. I was praying and talking to God about being a mom and the love relationship we should have with our children. Felicity has been weighing heavily on my heart lately. Mainly because she is so smart and quick sometimes, that I often have these really high expectations and am pretty hard on her when she messes up...just like any normal kid would mess up. It's not fair of me and I know it, so I've been trying to work on it. Anyway, so last night I was asking God to help me to love Felicity with the kind of love He has for us, His children. I want to show her not only my love, but be an example of Christ's sacrificial, selfless love as well; that He would shine through me (and Joe) to help her better understand who God is and how much love He has for us! I know that I love my kids soooo much! However, there are times where I start doubting myself as not being a good enough mom, not showing my kids enough love, etc.
About another 15 minutes in to being back in bed (about 1am), I hear that sound, that barking/wheezing coughing sound and instantly I run for Felicity's room! There she is knocking on her door (bless her heart! She knows once she's in bed, she's not supposed to leave her room, so she was knocking!) while she is crying and gasping for air (so it seems at least). I pick her up and try to calm her down because crying only makes it worse on her lungs. Joe gets her inhalers, etc. I'm sitting in her bed rocking her back and forth; she's crying and barely able to speak enough to say "mommy, it hurts so bad! when will it stop? why does this happen to me?" I litterally well up while writing this because it is just so sad to see your baby in so much pain and not be able to do much for her. She gets so scared, thinking she really can't breate, which in fact, I think she can, her airways are just a little constricted at the moment and crying makes it so much worse. Anyway, in the midst of her unable to barely speak, she manages enough breath and energy to say "I love you mommy!" She did that twice to me...I was just in awe of her love for us! Why is it that God has to teach us important lessons through our children? It really stresses the term "faith like a child". She was just clinging to me crying but also making sure I know that she loves me! I kept saying it over and over to her and couldn't bare seeing her like that, so helpless and upset. But there she is trying to show it right back to me. I really felt God saying to me, "You do love your child; don't doubt that"...I've never wanted so badly to take her pain upon myself!! And there it was - a moment where God is using me to show His love to her, just like I had asked of Him, BUT He was also giving me a glimpse of His love for us by how I felt and by how Felicity was showing me love. I get (understand) love, or so I tend to think, but didn't expect to get such a lesson on it at 1am in my daughter's bedroom!
Be careful what you pray for!! I didn't think God would get me out of bed at 1am to help me show my love and His love to our sweet little girl, but He did. It's funny how so often we want our prayers answered immediately, and then there are those that we think will be a process and it could be a while til we see His answers. But not that time, nope...God was ready to answer that prayer right then and there. She woke up fine this morning, so we'll see what tonight brings, but it was in that panic moment that God and Felicity taught me a little something about sacrificial love.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Saturday, April 17, 2010
My God, My Protector, My Provider
By Joy
As I have spent time thanking God for all He has done in my life, two themes are prominent: His protection and provision. I am just realizing how much influence He has had in my life without me even knowing it. He has protected me from physical and emotional harm as well as major debt.
He has provided me with one of the strongest women in the Lord I know, my mother. I watched her faith never waiver every day, and her life has been anything but ideal. She married my father at 19 years old. He was the only man she had ever been with and loved. She did not know at the time that he had drug and anger problems that were generational in his family. Through the 11 years of their marriage, my father was overtaken by these demons, and my family was the target of his anger and perversions. My oldest sister, especially, received the brunt of his negative attention. Being a baby when things got bad enough for my mom to leave with nothing, my sister watched me like a hawk to make sure my father didn’t do anything to me. But with all that my father did to the family, God held us together. Because of God’s protection, and my mom’s complete surrender to Him, He provided us with places to live and families that basically adopted our family and helped take care of us.
Growing up with my father popping in and out of my life, I never felt like I needed or missed my dad. God provided spiritual fathers for me my whole life. Matt even asked one of them for his permission to marry me. This man was my volleyball coach and youth pastor. His wife was/is my spiritual mentor and high school small group leader. They have 3 boys, and I was their adopted daughter. I was able to see what a real man of God looks and acts like. I learned the qualities of a powerful husband, wife and marriage from them. God provided me with an earthly example of His divine design.
3 months after Matt and I married, I was cooking breakfast one fine Saturday morning, trying to be a good wife. Using our new knife set from a wedding gift, I cut my thumb so badly that I severed my tendon and nerve. This was the beginning of my cooking with a knife accidents (I’m clumsy). I had job as a physical therapy aide at the time (another provision from God as I was just out of high school), and it came with insurance. My insurance took effect one week before the accident. And because I worked for a hospital, my $11,000 surgery bill turned out to be only $500 out of pocket. We were young and newlyweds with big dreams of going to college together. God’s provision and protection is so evident in this story.
Well, I think this might be part one of my protection and provision story. There are just too many stories to share, and each of them was at very pivotal moments in my life. Bottom line, THANK YOU LORD! You are my protector and provider, and I put my trust in You!
As I have spent time thanking God for all He has done in my life, two themes are prominent: His protection and provision. I am just realizing how much influence He has had in my life without me even knowing it. He has protected me from physical and emotional harm as well as major debt.
He has provided me with one of the strongest women in the Lord I know, my mother. I watched her faith never waiver every day, and her life has been anything but ideal. She married my father at 19 years old. He was the only man she had ever been with and loved. She did not know at the time that he had drug and anger problems that were generational in his family. Through the 11 years of their marriage, my father was overtaken by these demons, and my family was the target of his anger and perversions. My oldest sister, especially, received the brunt of his negative attention. Being a baby when things got bad enough for my mom to leave with nothing, my sister watched me like a hawk to make sure my father didn’t do anything to me. But with all that my father did to the family, God held us together. Because of God’s protection, and my mom’s complete surrender to Him, He provided us with places to live and families that basically adopted our family and helped take care of us.
Growing up with my father popping in and out of my life, I never felt like I needed or missed my dad. God provided spiritual fathers for me my whole life. Matt even asked one of them for his permission to marry me. This man was my volleyball coach and youth pastor. His wife was/is my spiritual mentor and high school small group leader. They have 3 boys, and I was their adopted daughter. I was able to see what a real man of God looks and acts like. I learned the qualities of a powerful husband, wife and marriage from them. God provided me with an earthly example of His divine design.
3 months after Matt and I married, I was cooking breakfast one fine Saturday morning, trying to be a good wife. Using our new knife set from a wedding gift, I cut my thumb so badly that I severed my tendon and nerve. This was the beginning of my cooking with a knife accidents (I’m clumsy). I had job as a physical therapy aide at the time (another provision from God as I was just out of high school), and it came with insurance. My insurance took effect one week before the accident. And because I worked for a hospital, my $11,000 surgery bill turned out to be only $500 out of pocket. We were young and newlyweds with big dreams of going to college together. God’s provision and protection is so evident in this story.
Well, I think this might be part one of my protection and provision story. There are just too many stories to share, and each of them was at very pivotal moments in my life. Bottom line, THANK YOU LORD! You are my protector and provider, and I put my trust in You!
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
"Discipline My Body"
Joanna Clark
So instead of recapping what this great devotional said, I'm just copying the link. Please go to it if you have a minute: http://proverbs31devotions.blogspot.com/2010/04/discipline-my-body.html
Basically, in a nutshell, it discusses how most things we desire in life are really hard and take a lot of work. We have to discipline ourselves, much like training for a marathon, in order to actually make it happen. Things like getting out of debt, losing weight, honoring our husbands...anything really. It definitely spoke to me in regards to many things in my life. It was funny though because the key verse is 1 Cor. 9:27, which was also referred to in Sunday's sermon. I thought "wow, when God really wants to teach you something, He will remind you of it until you get it"..."okay, God, I get it...I've got a lot of hard work to do!!"
So instead of recapping what this great devotional said, I'm just copying the link. Please go to it if you have a minute: http://proverbs31devotions.blogspot.com/2010/04/discipline-my-body.html
Basically, in a nutshell, it discusses how most things we desire in life are really hard and take a lot of work. We have to discipline ourselves, much like training for a marathon, in order to actually make it happen. Things like getting out of debt, losing weight, honoring our husbands...anything really. It definitely spoke to me in regards to many things in my life. It was funny though because the key verse is 1 Cor. 9:27, which was also referred to in Sunday's sermon. I thought "wow, when God really wants to teach you something, He will remind you of it until you get it"..."okay, God, I get it...I've got a lot of hard work to do!!"
Anyway, I'm sure a lot of us have things that we really need to work on training ourselves at. So, I'm assuming this could speak to any of you like it has to me. And, we are all in this journey together, so let's encourage one another to put as much effort into training as we can. I'm praying for each of you as I struggle through it too :)"I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should.
Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be
disqualified." I Corinthians 9:27 (NLT)
Monday, April 12, 2010
Open the Gates
by Jerolyn Bogear
The other day at rehearsal, Kaleo gave a devotional about living as a reservoir or as a channel. Are we just filling up with God's love and His Word and hanging onto it for ourselves? Or are we flowing with His love to others?
I saw the analogy more as a reservoir with a dam. We do need to take time to sit with the Lord, listen to His voice, study His Word, meditate on the rhema for our lives. But then we need to go out, open the gates, and let that infilling pour out to others. It doesn't happen accidentally. We must make an effort to open the gates.
I was reading today in Ephesians 5:1-2.
Love you all and love being on this journey with you.
The other day at rehearsal, Kaleo gave a devotional about living as a reservoir or as a channel. Are we just filling up with God's love and His Word and hanging onto it for ourselves? Or are we flowing with His love to others?
I saw the analogy more as a reservoir with a dam. We do need to take time to sit with the Lord, listen to His voice, study His Word, meditate on the rhema for our lives. But then we need to go out, open the gates, and let that infilling pour out to others. It doesn't happen accidentally. We must make an effort to open the gates.
I was reading today in Ephesians 5:1-2.
Therefore, be imitators of God as beloved children. And walk in love as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.Are you taking the time to let your reservoir fill up? Not just through a cursory reading and checking off the to-do list. But really spending time pouring over the Word of the Almighty and listening for His voice in your heart. Then and only then will you be able to open the gates and have something to give to others. He is our source and we are His hands, feet, and heart to others.
Love you all and love being on this journey with you.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
A Lesson Revisited
By: Laura Hechel
I wrote this in my journal in April of 2008...two years ago...and was reminded of it just this morning through a chapter in A Woman After God's Own Heart that has a message about being your husband's helper. At our last meeting, we tossed around ideas for controlling our words and actions around our husband. I light-heartedly call this my "Five Step Program".
April 14, 2008
I am being called to be a Proverbs woman - and that means there is a strong call on my heart to "...speak with wisdom and faithful instruction." (Proverbs 31:26). I am brought back to James 1:26 - a verse that God often brought to me during the Fruit of the Spirit study (note for today: THANKS JEROLYN for leading that study!). "If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless." Worthless. Meaningless. Useless. A facade. A fake. A sham. In chapter 3, James speaks of taming the tongue. It occurred to me that I need to set my standard and devise a plan or I will never tame my tongue! As Paul says in 1 Corinthians 9:25-27 "Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it for a crown that will not last; but we do it for a crown that will last forever. Therefore, I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize." So HOW am I going to tame the tongue?
1. Memorize scripture - especially verses about speech and the tongue. (Ephesians 4:29 & Proverbs 13:3 are good beginnings)
2. PRAY - for forgiveness (1 John 1:9), for wisdom (James 1:5), and for others (Matthew 5:44). Peter talks about being clear-minded & self-controlled so I can pray (1 Peter 4:7)...so, in praying, I must be sure my words and actions are in line with the Spirit or my prayers may fall flat.
3. Distance myself from engaging in gossip & slander. Always. (Proverbs 14:1 & 26:20)
4. Consider my words and the TONE carefully before I speak...and speak only things that build others up. (1 Peter 4:11 & Ephesians 4:29) Side note: verses 25-32 of Ephesians chapter 4 is especially helpful in providing a tangible way for believers to train themselves to follow God's will. To simply resist the temptation to sin is not enough. We must do the exact opposite of our sin. If you lie, speak truth. If you steal, work for what you want. If you slander, speak only good things about others from now on.
5. Write letters to God when I am really upset, rather than slandering that person to someone else or ripping them apart in a verbal confrontation. Use the formula David often uses in the psalms...pour out my heart, my hurts, my trials and tribulations...then change focus and end the letter with God's truth, His faithfulness, and His instruction.
Fast forward to today. Honestly, there is a reason I was reminded of this entry today...for the last year, I have become lazy about controlling my tongue. I have reverted back to my obnoxious days, almost all of it now directed entirely at my husband. Today, I am reminded of two things I had lost sight of: I am forgiven, therefore, I must forgive others (Matthew 6:14-15). If I claim to love my husband, I should live it. "...Love is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs....It always protects..." (1 Corinthians 13:5&7).
I wrote this in my journal in April of 2008...two years ago...and was reminded of it just this morning through a chapter in A Woman After God's Own Heart that has a message about being your husband's helper. At our last meeting, we tossed around ideas for controlling our words and actions around our husband. I light-heartedly call this my "Five Step Program".
April 14, 2008
I am being called to be a Proverbs woman - and that means there is a strong call on my heart to "...speak with wisdom and faithful instruction." (Proverbs 31:26). I am brought back to James 1:26 - a verse that God often brought to me during the Fruit of the Spirit study (note for today: THANKS JEROLYN for leading that study!). "If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless." Worthless. Meaningless. Useless. A facade. A fake. A sham. In chapter 3, James speaks of taming the tongue. It occurred to me that I need to set my standard and devise a plan or I will never tame my tongue! As Paul says in 1 Corinthians 9:25-27 "Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it for a crown that will not last; but we do it for a crown that will last forever. Therefore, I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize." So HOW am I going to tame the tongue?
1. Memorize scripture - especially verses about speech and the tongue. (Ephesians 4:29 & Proverbs 13:3 are good beginnings)
2. PRAY - for forgiveness (1 John 1:9), for wisdom (James 1:5), and for others (Matthew 5:44). Peter talks about being clear-minded & self-controlled so I can pray (1 Peter 4:7)...so, in praying, I must be sure my words and actions are in line with the Spirit or my prayers may fall flat.
3. Distance myself from engaging in gossip & slander. Always. (Proverbs 14:1 & 26:20)
4. Consider my words and the TONE carefully before I speak...and speak only things that build others up. (1 Peter 4:11 & Ephesians 4:29) Side note: verses 25-32 of Ephesians chapter 4 is especially helpful in providing a tangible way for believers to train themselves to follow God's will. To simply resist the temptation to sin is not enough. We must do the exact opposite of our sin. If you lie, speak truth. If you steal, work for what you want. If you slander, speak only good things about others from now on.
5. Write letters to God when I am really upset, rather than slandering that person to someone else or ripping them apart in a verbal confrontation. Use the formula David often uses in the psalms...pour out my heart, my hurts, my trials and tribulations...then change focus and end the letter with God's truth, His faithfulness, and His instruction.
Fast forward to today. Honestly, there is a reason I was reminded of this entry today...for the last year, I have become lazy about controlling my tongue. I have reverted back to my obnoxious days, almost all of it now directed entirely at my husband. Today, I am reminded of two things I had lost sight of: I am forgiven, therefore, I must forgive others (Matthew 6:14-15). If I claim to love my husband, I should live it. "...Love is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs....It always protects..." (1 Corinthians 13:5&7).
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